I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That's intense
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
