It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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