Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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