i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They have beer where we have blood.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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