I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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