Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
