I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize