I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
