just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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