Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were destined to go to rehab together
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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