Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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