Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
