I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
