whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
