At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
