it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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