Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like, not good at living.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
