Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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