did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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