The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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