I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
