Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
