I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
