So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize