I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
