i would punch a child for taco bell
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
