I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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