I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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