So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
