Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
