yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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