u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
