she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
