who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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