i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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