Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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