I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
