I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
