I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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