I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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