I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
false alarm. still invincible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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