Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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