she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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