no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
