I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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