He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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