Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
