I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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