There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't turn off my feet"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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