i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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