My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
