if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
