i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
