I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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