it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
