He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
