3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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