At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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