apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm having to shit out rocks
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