his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
