i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
