I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
